I will lay me down

We got approved for the new mortgage. I feel scared of the new mortgage, even if the bank says we can swing it. I want a job with benefits. I want a job with a union and a retirement package and paid sick days. Like I used to have. This new job has less responsibility... and with that comes a lot less respect. I thought I was scraping the respect barrel before.

But. We got approved for the new mortgage. We're going to live in the prettiest house in the whole wide world.

Undertow

I feel overwhelmed right now.

Overwhelmed by this new job that has no system in place for sick days. Overwhelmed by having taken too many writing jobs, more than I can do, maybe, and definitely more than I really want to. Overwhelmed at the prospect of being responsible for supervising university students, fresh faced and excited about entering the work force, while I feel too tired to smile at them or listen to their stories.

I feel overwhelmed by the laundry on the bedroom floor and the dishes in the kitchen sink. The clutter and boxes that are still only half unpacked lining the walls of the garage.

I keep missing garbage day.

We don't recycle our cans at the bottle depot.

After a year, one puppy still pees on the carpet on a semi-regular basis.

The programmable thermostat refuses to accept the program I want it to run.



I want to know how some people always stay on top of what needs to be done. How do they keep their houses clean, work full time, exercise, raise kids, and contribute to their communities?

I look at everything that needs to be done, and I can't even figure out where to begin. I can't even pick one thing to do to get started. I know if I could just pick one thing and do it, the rest wouldn't seem so insurmountable. But I can't seem to do it. When I get home from work, I just want to lie on the couch and watch crap tv and sleep.

Is it lack of self-discipline? What makes some people so capable while other people, like me, just pretend to be?

Home Sweet Home

I think we got overexcited about the possibility of mainfloor laundry and bigger ensuite bathrooms. We put down deposits on two different lots, playing the builders off against each other, trying to figure out who would offer us the better deal.

Everything in a showhome looks so much better than our home when the laundry is on the floor and we still haven't even finished unpacking from the last move. All our pictures and paintings are in the basement still wrapped in brown paper. So the showhomes look pretty nice.

After recovering from the initial momentum and slowing down to take a breath, I think I like our house better. In terms of floorplan.

So. Time to finish unpacking maybe. And vaccuum. And get the bed on a frame, and hang up the paintings.

Lazy lazy lazy.